which country is foreign?

I have had a rather strange thought the last few days. Or rather, a lack of thought. I don't know how to put it into words. But I have not been thinking of my life in America. It seems to me that my life in America is very distant, very strange and foreign and that my life here, in Ethiopia, is the one that is natural - the one that feels like home. I can't explain it, it shouldn't be this way. I should feel out of place here, I should feel as if it is an inconvenience - right? I mean, an American shouldn't enjoy living here. But I do, I really do. And I am grateful for that.

But it makes it really hard to leave. I have about one week left so I am having to start figuring out what all I need to do in this last week. Trying to spend time with friends before I go, etc. But it's really difficult. I have become so close to everyone here, much more so than last time and I really don't want to say goodbye. I plan on moving here within a year, but it feels so far away - especially when I am not all that thrilled to return to America. It's really tempting to not get on the airplane on November 5th, and in all honesty I probably wouldn't if it weren't for having to pay off my college loans (it's a bit easier to make money in America than in Ethiopia). It's so frustrating that money is the only thing keeping me away from Ethiopia - it seems like such a trivial thing. But if all goes well I will have my loans paid off in the next few months and can start building my plans to return here. I believe it will happen, I don't see why it wouldn't.

 

I also haven't been able to stop thinking about Maeza, the little girl who is HIV positive that I wrote about last time. It's so hard for me to see the deterioration of life that the disease causes. Especially in a child. I know I already said this on my last post, but I can't seem to get it out of my head. Why is the world so unfair? And how is it that in America it is so easy for us to distance ourselves from these problems. We go to Wal-Mart to save a few bucks, but don't give a second thought to the people that are working in sweatshops to make that product. We buy the non-fair-trade coffee and don't even realize that the coffee farmers aren't even making enough money to live on. In fact, here in Ethiopia many of the coffee farms are being cut down in order to plant chat (which is a local hallucinogenic) because the farmers can get more money for the chat than they can for the coffee. Why is it so easy for us to distance ourselves from these problems? Maybe because we don't see it everyday as we are walking to school, work, etc? But should that be the reason we don't think of something? There are people suffering all around the world and I think it's time for us to realize it. And it's time for us to stop causing the problems and start working to fix the problems. We cannot continue to live our lives at the expense of those in the third world.